Crisco is for Sissies[M]

[TruthSayer]

"Victim of what?" he asked from behind Marcus, wide eyes fastened on TJ. He felt frozen to the floor, pure shock causing three cases of soda suddenly weighing nothing in his arms.

Normally he's not...this bad. Something's bothering him.

Marcus’ words from seconds before were given stark clarity by Sam’s shouted defence, although he didn’t know what he could have possibly done tonight to cause such an intense dislike from TJ, although Raa could pick out every single reason why he felt the same.

[Tammika]

In the midst of his anger at trying to get his point across to his brother, TJ turned to Marcus and Raa in the doorway and lashed out. "I was talking to my brother not you."

"That was real mature Terrence, real mature. Raa asked you a legitimate question, so answer him."

"You see that's your problem. All this discussion, they're kids. They don't have a clue."

"Uncle Tj... shut up." Marcus' words were very quiet and almost missed, but the pause in the arguing made it known that he was heard. He didn't even look at the man, more like though him arms trembling from anger, not the weight of the soda he now gripped awkwardly from nearly dropping them. "Shut your damn mouth and get the fuck out."

TJ stood up, but before he could speak Marcus continued, shock from the words that came out of his mouth with a quiet anger he had never heard from Marcus before, keeping him silent. "The only thing that makes me feel like a victim right now, is being related to you. Get the fuck out of my sight now. Keep the keys to your fucking cabin too, I don't want to spend my birthday surrounded by anything that may remotely remind me of you. You reject Raa, you reject me."

"You must have forgotten your respect and manners along with your good sense. Playing this pansy game and finding yourself in one messed up relationship after another and now you wanna talk shit to me like you're a man. I'm an adult, your uncle. I'm trying to look out for you."

"I think you need to leave Terrence."

"Relationship?! You call that a relationship?!" The thought of two of the sickest people he had ever met in his life washed over his mind and made him instantly nauseous. Eric and Greg. Marcus started trembling. "You don't know shit! Where the hell were you when some freak had me brainwashed into believing that sucking him off proved I loved him? Huh? Where the hell were you when some freak shoved his fingers inside me and called me a fucked up little whore? Where the hell were you when I got my ass kicked by three guys?! Huh? Raa, beat the shit outta of them! Raa held my head when I could barely stand. Raa nearly lost everything because of me! Where the FUCK were you?"

[TruthSayer]

Greg. Christopher. Jason. Eric. All of them together and it still didn’t compare to the rage TJ Davenport inspired in Raa. He didn’t give a damn that TJ didn’t trust him, that he didn’t like him, but TJ was Marcus’ family, his goddamn uncle, and was supposed to protect him, not sling insults, not throw things in his face that in no way Marcus’ fault and make him feel the way Marcus was feeling now.

He wanted to hit him. Wanted to jump the table and slam his fist so far into TJ Davenport’s mouth he could tell what the man had for breakfast. Wanted to make him puke blood as the room tinged red in his vision. He shook so badly that the top six pack of soda hit the floor, two cans splitting open to hiss and spit their contents across the kitchen and dining room, splashing up onto his jeans and sneakers.

“Get him out,” he snarled, another six pack hitting the floor. “Now. “ Because he’d have to shove Marcus aside to get to him, and didn’t know how much longer he could stop himself from doing so.

[Tammika]

A small voice inside him that he had never heard before told him to move aside. Let Raa beat him to a bloody little mess on the floor, but that voice was quickly smothered by the consequences of that action, despite his own desire to slam two cases of sprite up his ass. Yet another voice wanted an explanation for all the insults and hatred coming from an uncle that before now was just a little annoying and pushy.

I order to exit the room they had to walk past TJ or back out through the garage so Marcus just stood there and stared at his father. He was more angry and ashamed and embarrassed than he had ever been in his life for all the things that were just said, but Marc Davenport understood the pain he saw in Marcus' eyes. Even without the tears.

"TJ leave." He did not look away from his son. "Just go and we will... talk about this tomorrow."

"Yeah, fuck it. I'm out."

When they all heard the front door slam and then the truck spin out, Marcus finally slid down to a squat, dropping the cases on the floor in the mess pooled at their feet. hanging his head down.

"Son?"

"I'm gonna go up to my room okay? I can't ... i just need to go to my room..."

[TruthSayer]

Raa breathed very carefully through his mouth, slow deep breaths that helped to still the shaking, although he still held the last pack of soda; he doubted the Davenports would be any happier about a hole in their wall than Aban and Kendall had been. Going to Marcus' room sounded like a good idea, because at least there he could hit a pillow and not get in trouble for it.

He stepped around Marcus, kicking his shoes off when he was outside the mess, and said, "Let's go," voice still trembling slightly. He didn't look back to see if Marcus was following him, making his way to Marcus' room without really seeing where he was going. For the first time the residual mess there didn't bother him, didn't make his palms itch to clean something, and he was thankful for the pile of clothes at the bottom of Marcus' open closet door, because that was where he slammed the soda as soon as he got into the room. He didn't mind that the bed wasn't made, because that made it easier to grab a pillow and slam it repeatedly into the bathroom's door jam until he was out of breath, limbs shaking more from fatigue than anger, although the emotion still coursed as fluidly through him as if it were lifeblood.

"What the fuck was that, Marcus?!" he snarled, panting slightly as he leveled a shaking finger at the bedroom door. "Not that bad, my ass! What the fuck?!"

[Tammika]

Marcus followed along behind Raa after he pulled himself up, pausing to half lean half hug his dad on his way by. His feet felt like lead as he trudged up the stairs and he randomly wondered where Sam had gone. He really needed a hug from her right now. The memory of her screaming at their uncle bothered him.

He flopped on the bed oblivious to Raa pounding the door frame, he bunched up his covers under his chin in a makeshift pillow only to flinch and hide his face when Raa's words rang in his ears. "I don't fucking know either! Don't yell at me!"

[TruthSayer]

"I am not yelling at y-!" Raa paused and closed his eyes, holding his breath to the count of ten before releasing it slowly. "I am not yelling at you," he said, words far more calm than they had been. "Just... Dammit..."

He sighed and dropped the pillow, running a hand through his hair as he picked his way across the floor to slump on the bed, hands dangling between his knees. He felt tired, frustrated, and confused, and the best way to alleviate those things, in his opinion, was to cuddle. He shifted on the bed, laying out beside Marcus as he propped his head on his hand, one leg draping itself over both of Marcus'.

"Thanks," he muttered, "for sticking up for me. I'm sorry you had to. Although..."

He bit his lip, indecisive. He'd purposefully kept away from asking blatant questions about this part of Marcus' past. He didn't like the way it made Marcus feel to remember it, didn't like the look on his face. But Marcus' birthday was only three days away, and he didn't want to push him into anything he wasn't completely ready for. And after what Marcus said downstairs, he had to know all of it, however much a part of him didn't want to.

"...You want to tell what you were talking about?"

[Tammika]

He knew that question would come. he didn't want it too, not now. He wanted to tell him after... his birthday afraid that if Raa knew he'd feel different about him, hesitant to touch him. Raa was the last person he wanted treating him like a delicate piece of crystal at a time like that.

Marcus turned his head so one eye peeked at Raa from his pile of sheets. "I don't know if I just can't find the words or don't want to find the words to explain it... I just feel .. so incredibly stupid that it even happened." He needed to say it but the shame made him nauseous.

"I have to say this..." And with that announcement he explained what happened between him and Eric, the three times he went down on Eric, once at a small party and even left him in a back room and forgot about him. Marcus wasn't "allowed" to even acknowledge him as a friend at that place. By the time he finished explaining he was sobbing and choking , hating himself for crying in front of Raa again. "I was such an idiot.."

[TruthSayer]

By the time Marcus was done, Raa felt sick, his stomach throbbing in a miserable little ball in his gut, and he was laying half on Marcus in an attempt to get as close to him as possible.

It was hard to know what to say, what to do to make it better. 'It's okay' was a stupid little phrase that usually meant little and held no weight here, because it had happened, and it couldn't un-happen, and that part of Marcus that Eric touched would never be okay again. Kissing him wouldn't help talk things out, and there was more Raa needed to know because Marcus hadn't said anything about Eric shoving his fingers inside him.

"Did you love him?" he muttered quietly after a short pause, rubbing gentle circles on Marcus' back.

[Tammika]

"I didn't even know what the word really meant until I met you." His crying slowed, lulled by the gentle touch and soft tone of Raa's voice.

Raa's voice.

Raa's hand.

He had to mentally hold onto that to keep his sanity.

[TruthSayer]

"Did..." Raa didn't want to ask this question. He had been under the firm assumption that Marcus was as much of a virgin as he was, that their first time together would be their first time ever, and didn't want to lose the illusion to fact if there was fact to be had. "Did you and he... Did you have sex?"

[Tammika]

"No. I wouldn't let it go that far. It was one of the many reasons he got all weird and crazy. If I didn't have Derrick and Julian at the time who knows what kind of fucked up shit I would have let happen to me." He was afraid to move. part of him wanted to turn and cling even closer to Raa. part of him felt he didn't deserve it. "It sounds so sappy... but you are the best decision I've ever made. I love you Raa. Whatever you think of me now. I love you."

[TruthSayer]

"Marcus..." Raa sighed, trying to put his thoughts together through the sheer relief he felt when Marcus said no enough to voice what he was thinking. He tightened his hold on him, the hand on his back going around his waist as he pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "You want to know what I think?

"One: I don't think you're an idiot. I can't believe you would have done that stuff if not even a tiny part of you didn't think you loved him. And if you had had sex? Baby, I can't say how glad I am that you haven't, but that's for selfish reasons, not because I would have thought you were a whore, or a slut, and you know I'll bust anyone who says otherwise, because that's how much I know you're not one.

"Two... I don't understand why you didn't tell me this before...?"

[Tammika]

"I don't know. It's hard to just think about, let alone say it out loud. I felt like I just let part of me slip away so easily.. I didn't want you to know there was a piece of Marcus missing because I gave it away to the wrong person. 'cause I thought when I met Eric, somebody wanted me and wasn't laughing at the fact that I am gay or using me as some exotic substitute for a girl. But I was so wrong. I was so fucking desperate." He finally moved and buried his face in Raa's neck. "How come I couldn't have met you sooner?"

[TruthSayer]

Raa chuckled, pressing a kiss to Marcus' head as his arms went fully around him. "I ask myself that question all the damn time." He wondered what his life would have been like if he'd known Marcus when he was eight, or ten, or thirteen, then steered his mind away from the subject, not liking to think of that time of his life any more than Marcus liked to think about Eric or Greg.

"Dammit, we're going to have to use Kendall's cabin," Raa groaned suddenly, turning his face into the covers. "Yuck..." Maybe he could ditch school on Thursday and Friday and bleach the hell out of it.

[Tammika]

He felt guilty for reminding himself he was wrapped in Raa's arms on his bed... with his father down stairs. Marcus let out a frustrated little moan, glad to be closing the door on the topic.. at least it seemed that way. "I don't care where we go Raa, just as long as it's you in me." He chose his words purposefully, hiding a grin in Raa's neck at his little joke. The small action made him feel better bit by bit.

[TruthSayer]

"Damn skippy," Raa snorted, and rolled onto his back. He really didn't want the cabin, because no matter how much bleach he used, he knew it would not be enough. Maybe he could swing for a Days Inn? But that would be difficult, because Kendall and Aban had frozen his savings and allowance until the damage he'd caused to the house was repaired. It was possible he could dip into the cash he'd sent aside for Marcus' tattoo, but really didn't want to do that either; Rain had already given him a massive discount, and she was going to spend hours on that ink as it was.

And Raa was doing a very good job of avoiding what else Marcus' words brought to mind. Because he didn't want to know anymore, not when Marcus was smiling, and starting to joke, and was pressed up against his side so nicely. He didn't want to lose any of that, and did his second question really matter all that much?

He sighed, turning his head to the side a bit as his eyes tracked the ceiling, finding little designs in the light broquette that textured it. Halfway into the room, he blinked, the itch to clean he normally felt when faced with Marcus' messy room invading his thoughts.

"Marcus...?" he murmured, confused little frown pulling at his expression, "Did you know there's a sock hanging from your ceiling fan?"

[Tammika]

"There is not!... Oh..yeah, there is, isn't there." He rolled to his back and grinned at the sock. "Well at least it's clean and so are the pile of clothes over there. Sam dumped them the day before yesterday since she need the dryer for her clothes and I kinda got mad and threw stuff and it started a small scale war." he rambled in a sing song voice. "You should see her room, it's worse than mine, plus most of this mess is your fault..." he hesitated surprised that what he was about to say amused him and made him feel a little giggly shy. Only Raa could make him shy. The boy didn't know the power he held. "I go through half my wardrobe trying to find the right thing to wear when I see you. I am so gay." he laughed throwing an arm over his face.

[TruthSayer]

Raa watched the slow oscillation of the sock as though hypnotized for a long moment, resolutely telling himself that he didn't need to look around the rest of the room, and didn't need to clean it. Again. It wasn't that Marcus was a major pig. There were no dirty dishes or left over food in his room, and it smelled more like downy fabric softener than dirty clothes, but in Raa's Aban-influenced opinion, a pen left out on the desk when you were done using it equated to a pig sty, not to mention dust on furniture, and no perfectly lined vacuum tracks on the floor.

Raa had learned not to look for vacuum tracks on Marcus' floor. He probably couldn't see it anyway beneath the layer of clothes.

And he was trying really hard not to look for pens left out on Marcus' desk. He rolled onto his stomach, head turned toward Marcus instead of the rest of the room. "I don't care what you wear," he said, grinning. "You can wear nothing and I wouldn't mind one bit."

[Tammika]

"Oh? I'm sure you wouldn't mind that one bit, not at all." Marcus, lifted up and scooted over, resting his arms on Raa's chest. He would have sat up altogether and straddled him but a soft knock on the door made him groan.

"What?"

"Can I come in?" Sam's voice was painful, bring the whole evening crashing back down on him.

"Yeah." he didn't move from where he was at first when Sam opened the door and came in slowly. It made him mad to see her puffy eyes and red cheeks. She slid across the bed and he sat up to meet her pulling her into a hug that made them nearly a pile of bodies on the bed. "Sam you're not that small anymore!"

"I know, but it feels good." she mumbled reaching past Marcus to grab Raa's hand.

"Oh look who's all sappy now. I thought I was the sappy baby, hmm?"

"Shut up." she sighed. "He's not like that Marcus... he said horrible things about you and Raa. I wanted to climb across the table and rip his mouth off and claw his eyes out."

"I'm jealous, Samantha, I thought such violence was reserved for me."

"Yeah.. well he asked for it."

Marcus turned and looked at Raa as he spoke to Sam. "Well he is gone and dad will take care of him. You know that. So will Aunt Vicky."

"Yeah... I know."