Crisco is for Sissies[M]

[TruthSayer]

Raa was more than marginally disappointed when Marcus had to go and get all logical on him, his body already thrumming, but couldn't fault him. Kendall and Aban were right down the hall, after all, and Raa wouldn't put it past either of them to pop in without a moment's notice. Still, he couldn't wait until Marcus could crawl toward him like that naked, flesh as white as the moonlight, painted with the broken lines of the streetlamp on the corner through the slatted blinds on his window... Raa had dreamed about it many times, waking up with the need of a cold shower and new sheets, but dreams were vapor compared to the reality that laid out next to him now, pressing soft warm lips to his own, weaving different dreams, just as heated, with his words.

It was a colossal fight to stop himself from pulling Marcus on top of him, of rolling over and pinning Marcus face-down on the bed, especially with the wet swipe of tongue over his mouth, and he fisted his hand in his hair to help ground himself to the bed. He turned onto his side, resting the cast across Marcus' back, and leaned forward to kiss him again, lingering longer.

"I vote for again and again and again," he whispered against Marcus' lips, mental calendar ticking another day off; 115 days left, and no one would be able to say anything every again.

[Tammika]

The moment couldn't have been anymore perfect and Raa's mouth was like candy to him, he couldn't get enough. The ripple, caused by his touch, that starts in his chest and flows down to his toes never gets old. It always amazed him how being with Raa was the best he had ever felt in his life and how much he loved him. Marcus giggled into Raa's mouth twisting his body to comfortably snuggle against his boyfriend. "You know I love you right?" He opened his eyes slowly when the kiss broke and looked straight into his eyes. He teared up a little, surprising himself, but it was overwhelming at times thinking about how much Ra meant to him. "...God, I love you so much."

Feeling a little embarrassed for getting all emotional he dropped his face down onto the arm tucked beneath his head, wiping his eyes on the thick sleeve of his hoodie. "I'm leaking again." He joked and quickly tried to distract from it. "You wanna just rest now? You look really tired, babe. I can rub your back till you fall a sleep, if you like."

[TruthSayer]

Raa brought his hand forward, threading it through Marcus' hair, pulling the clip gently from it to watch it fan forward into his face. He smiled softly, eyes slowly roaming over a face that had become more dear to any he had ever known before, and felt his heart swell painfully at Marcus' words. He had no idea how, or why, or what Marcus saw in him that inspired his love, but whatever it was, Raa was grateful for it, because life would positively suck if it weren't the man laying next to him now.

He said nothing about the tears, knowing that though they didn't show on his face, his heart echoed them, but shook his head at the offer for another back rub; though he knew it would feel good, the warmth of Marcus against him now felt even better. He pulled Marcus closer, tucking his head beneath his chin. "You look beat yourself. Rest with me?" he asked.

[Tammika]

He had just pulled himself out of bed to come to Raa's and even now he still felt tired, curled up in Raa's arms. "Mmm, sounds like a plan." He yawned, stretching his body out to full length, and pulled his hoodie over his head before curing back up, snuggling his head against Raa's warmth. "You smell good." Faint marks still line both wrist and he pulls his hands into his long sleeve shirt to hide them.

He wasn't sure how long he slept but the sound of the Doctor Who theme music was vibrating his pocket, signaling a call from his sister. "I'm busy. Make it quick." a pause as he snorted in response. "No if I was doing that you think I'd actually answer? No, you don't have to, just ask Derrick- Yes you are my fucking chauffeur! Fine some best friend you are-" He put his hand over his face and laughed loud. "Oh my God you people have such filthy minds, my innocence slipping away. Jeez! No I am not having- His freakin uncle is down the hall!.. never mind... you know what? You rot Derrick. Just just put Sam back on the phone. Well okay then, yeah later." His face was red by the time he hung up and he glanced at Raa still grinning from the joking with Derrick and Sam. "Why do people torture me? I'm so sweet and innocent."

[TruthSayer]

When Marcus' phone went off, waking Raa from a dead sleep, he sincerely felt like throwing it against the wall. He rubbed a hand over his face, glaring at the offending object from between his fingers, but couldn't stay mad it for long, not when Derrick and Sam were making Marcus laugh like that. It had been a long while since Raa had heard that particular laugh, and it was like a favorite song playing over the radio, making him want to grin and sing along.

He did chuckle quietly at the part of the conversation he could hear, Marcus' responses leaving little to imagination, though they did spur Raa's imagination into places that it was better not going to with Marcus in his bed. He cleared his throat, affecting a stern look as he sat up and stretched, both arms falling into his lap at the end of it. "Yeah, and I'm a Buddhist monk," he snorted; he knew exactly how 'sweet and innocent' Marcus could be.

"Do you have to go home?" he asked, reluctant to hear the answer. His fingers plucked at the comforter pooled in his lap, wondering belatedly if it had been Kendall or Aban that had covered them up.

[Tammika]

"No, they were rambling about bringing me ice cream or going to see a movie or something crazy like that. I swear Derrick and Sam... they're idiots. Nah I'm not going anywhere." He nuzzled Raa's neck. "The was the bestest sleep I've had in a week. I don't wanna go home. Me no sleep without my Raa." He clung to him, careful not to bump his cast. "So I'll just have to camp out in your room. We can have a slumber party." He was feeling goofy but he was serious about the sleep. He slept as much as he could but it never felt restful. Several times he woke up in a cold sweat feeling as though he was still pinned beneath Eric... He fell silent at the memory, doing his best to fill his mind with Raa. His grip changed and he sighed.

[TruthSayer]

Raa laughed softly at the thought of a slumber party, arm going around Marcus' shoulders as he turned his head and pressed a kiss to Marcus' forehead. "I can imagine it now: Teen Magazine and facials..." He sniggered at the thought of Marcus' face covered in green gunk.

But the truth was... The thought of being able to do this every day, of waking up next to Marcus every morning, going to sleep next to him every night, was one that inspired a sweet longing within him. Now that a football scholarship was out, so was living in the dorms at whatever school he would have enrolled in. But maybe he could get a job right out of high school, find a place to rent, and maybe Marcus would agree to moving in with him? But Marcus would still be in school, and Raa doubted Mr. and Mrs. Davenport would allow him to leave home until he graduated. Raa didn't like the wrench that threw into his plans, but there was little to nothing he could, or would do to change it; Marcus' parents were important to him, and Raa didn't want to cause any problems between them by asking Marcus to choose. It wouldn't be fair, and it would only hurt Marcus in the long run.

And Marcus had gone quiet. Raa wasn't sure how long he had been silent, but it felt as though something changed, though Raa was unsure what it was. He glanced at Marcus, his boyfriend's expression confirming it, and concern pulled Raa's wistful expression into a frown. "What's wrong, baby?" he asked softly.

[Tammika]

He moans and buries his face in Raa's neck trying to avoid answering. "Nothing... really. I'm fine. I just want to drown myself in Raa-ness so I don't think of shitty stuff. Just ignore my drama, it's officially snuggle Raa day, 'cause he's injured and sexy and stuff. Speaking of which. How do you take a shower? I was in fifth grade so mom threw me in the tub with some Mr. Bubbles and a plastic bag over my cast." Distract distract distract. He was tired of people worrying over him and since meeting Raa it was getting harder to hide things behind a smile and a few jokes. No one had become so close to him so at the same time he didn't want to bother him with every little problem. Inch by inch the real picture of scared little Marcus was being uncovered as he felt Raa pull the wall down one brick at a time, It terrified and excited him all at the same time.

[TruthSayer]

Indecision had Raa chewing on the inside of his bottom lip. Did he do as Marcus wanted, and go along with the happy-go-lucky feelings he obviously wanted to pursue? Or did he follow his own instincts and press the issue, dredging up things Marcus didn't want to talk about? It bothered him that something was bothering Marcus; he felt it like a niggling, painful itch he had no way of scratching, and instead of Aban telling him not to use the good cutlery, it was Marcus telling him that everything was okay.

You don't have to hide from me, he thought, rubbing his cheek against the top of Marcus' head, the fingers of his left hand threading through the thick blonde hair at the base of Marcus' skull. How can I fix the hurt if you hide from me?

In the end, he didn't answer Marcus' question about how he took a shower, but he didn't actively press the issue either. All he said was a whispered, "I love you," trying to get every thought and emotion he felt at that moment into those three words, and left it at that, letting Marcus decide where he wanted to go with it.

[Tammika]

Marcus growled in frustration and rolled away from Raa, hearing the unspoken concern and questions in his tone. He pulled his knees up and rested his chin on them with his back to Raa. "Some days I totally don't understand why," he mumbled. "I don't know how to say stuff without feeling like I'm complaining or trying to send people on a guilt trip or I don't know... it's just hard. I like making an ass of myself and watching people smile... watching you smile." He mumbled into his knees partially hiding his face unable to look at Raa. Overwhelming feeling of shame made him want to hide, but he could tell Raa was already worried... about poor Marcus.

"God I hate this!" He stood up shoved his hands in his hair. " I hate the feeling I get whenever you play football and wondering if you're gonna get up this time, but it's selfish. I hate that you are in pain and there is nothing I can do to make it go away. Yeah, childish, I know but it still makes me feel like shit. I hate freaks like Greg and ...Eric fucking with my head and ruining every thought and making me into such a wimp because I let it fill my head to the point that I can't stop thinking about...hands that aren't yours grabbing on me. I hate making every body worry over poor whiny Marcus..." His voice disappeared into silent sobbing, feeling both relieved of the weight on his mind, but worried and anxious over Raa's response. He had never unloaded on anyone like this before and everything sounded petty, selfish and stupid. Especially with Raa the one laying there with the cast on his arm. He always felt as though he hadn't earned the right to bother someone with what was bugging him. "I'm so lame."

[TruthSayer]

"Marcus..." Raa sighed, running a hand through his hair as he tried to order his thoughts into coherent words. There were so many screaming objections running through his mind that he wasn't sure which one to voice first, or how to say them. He stood, wrapping his arms around Marcus' waist, pulling him flush against him, back-to-chest, and rested his chin on his shoulder.

"First off... You're all mine and I'm all yours. Right?" he muttered, using Marcus' words from long ago. "That means the good stuff and the shitty stuff. I want you to talk to me, to feel like you can be with me without feeling like you have to pretend like everything's okay, because... When something hurts you, it hurts me. When something's bothering you, it's bothering me, too. I'm not going to tell you to stop whining, or to shut up, or anything like that, because if you're feeling it, it's legit, right?

"Second, you just being here helps me, and I don't need anymore than that. My arm is fine, and I'm not going to be playing football anymore, so there's nothing to worry about there.

"Third..." Raa took a deep breath, trying to figure out how he was going to say what he wanted to say next. There was nothing he could do yet to replace the feeling Greg's and Eric's hands with his own, to replace their memory with his own, and it made him feel completely helpless. He wanted to know what had happened with Eric when he and Marcus were going out, but he didn't know how to ask Marcus, and no time seemed like the right time. He didn't want to depress Marcus when he was happy, and didn't want to hurt him more when he was sad. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask, but let the question die unsaid once again.

"Third, Eric and Greg aren't here. Greg's in military school half the country away, and Eric's back in college half the state away. They can't touch you anymore. It's just you and me."

[Tammika]

He nodded silently in response to Raa's first point, reaching a sleeved hand up to touch his face, finger tips brushing his cheek then weaving into Raa's hair. Raa was a brick wall and not just his oh so lickable hard abs, he was mentally his wall to lean on, he was slowly realizing that. It was his habit to try and shove bad feelings to the back corner of his mind and laugh it off like it was nothing though it stabbed him to the core. If he didn't like them he surely didn't want to bug anyone else with them, but here was Raa practically begging him to 'share the load' so to speak.

Even though he was the oddball in their group of friends and wasn't really into football, it really hurt to hear him say he wasn't going to play anymore. As much as he loved the game and played so well, like it or not, it was going to be a major loss for their team.

He turned in Raa's arms nervously facing him with blotchy red face and puffy eyes. "Yeah. You're here with me, the best thing that's ever happened to me." He started to lean his head on Raa's shoulder but changed his mind, it was a bad habit to always hide from Raa. He mentally kicked himself for lumping Raa in with punks and even his friends. "You mean more to me than anything... and I'm sorry. Damn... I gotta stop letting shit take up residence in my head. Please don't think I'm comparing you to Eric, there is no fucking comparison and I'm sorry if my babbling and griping made you think that for even a second. And Greg is just... messed up. You are... you are just the definition of love to me. "

[TruthSayer]

"You said that sometimes you don't know why I love you. I can't... I'm not sure how to... say it, like it should be said. But..." Raa walked to his desk, picking up the sketchbook laying there, looking at it's smooth black cover with an uncertain expression. "When I draw... it's not just drawing. It's... thought, and memory, and emotion that I can't get out any other way. Some are..." His expression twisted into a hard self-depreciating little smirk. "Some are not nice. But others..."

He walked to Marcus side, and flipped open the book to the first page, revealing a remarkably accurate depiction of Marcus' laughing face. The next page showed him as they were in the dressing room of the costume store, though Raa had not drawn himself into the image. It was Marcus holding a shadow, arms wrapped around it, wicked smile and daring eyes shining outward from the page as Raa had seen them shining into the mirror. The third and fourth pages were tacked together with a line of glue on their edges, but the drawings on them were done with such a heavy hand that the tip of Raa's pencil had ripped through the page in several areas, and Raa's expression darkened when he saw those, knowing exactly who was drawn on them, and glad that Marcus could see nothing more of them than dark swaths on their backs. The fifth page showed what Marcus had looked like in the hospital bed of the Emergency Room, small and scared and tired. Two purposefully smudged and shadowed figures stood at the side of his bed, blocking all but a small strip of Marcus, while a third stood at the foot of it. Marcus had his eyes on the third, mouth open as though talking, cheeks wet and eyes shining, hands holding to tight to the sheet placed over his lap that his knuckles had turned visibly white. Each one done in the soft black-and-white of a mechanical pencil, each one with the bare minimum of background drawn to give definition to memory.

Raa nodded his chin toward his shelf, seven black leather bound sketchbooks lining it, each one an inch thick. Several of their pages were glued together, too, but many more were not, and each one held Marcus as Raa remembered him during each inspiration. Some were happy, others were sad, and some were drawn so heavily it was difficult to make out expression, but Raa remembered where each one of them came from, and he cherished them all. "They're all like this," he said quietly, cheeks burning slightly; he wanted Marcus to see these, to show him through artful depiction what he didn't know how to put into words, but he'd never shown them to anyone before. Doing so now was like stripping himself completely bare, revealing a part of him that no one else knew existed. There were hundreds more than the ones lining his shelf, some in his closet and under his bed, others in boxes shoved into a much avoided corner of the basement, and some that had been tossed into the fireplace, all full of much darker and nastier things that he hoped Marcus would never know existed within him. "They're all full of you, and they're replacing the ones that aren't so nice. That's why I love you. That's why I want to know when you're hurt, or sad, or mad, or whatever you're feeling, because I don't feel that way anymore because of you. These books, Marcus? They're my existence down on paper, and they're full of nothing but you."

[Tammika]

Marcus was amazed at the detail, the point of view and the amount of books Raa had. He sat down on the bed with the book in his hand, his expression changing with each flip of the page. He knew Raa was always doodling something on any scrap of paper but he had no idea he could draw like this. His chest hurt with the surge of raw emotions that looking at Raa's mind on paper burst open within him. His hand went to his mouth and as he stared at the drawing of him in the costume store he started telling Raa about what it was like being with Eric.

In a soft whisper he began telling him a little about a shameful part of his life. "...You never force me to do anything... Eric was always making me ...do things and like a dummy I did them just because he was the first person that seemed to be interested in me. At least at first. Though even when things got weird and ...uncomfortable I didn't want to believe he was just... that he only wanted me to be around at his convenience. Derrick and Julian tried to tell me, but it took being totally humiliated in front of half my so called friends, that I realized what a jerk he was." Marcus finally looked up from the page and smiled sheepishly at Raa. "It took meeting you to actually feel.. I don't know... real almost. Does that make sense?" He shrugged and stretched his arms out for Raa. "I'm glad I ran into you..literally ran into you."

[TruthSayer]

It was hard, listening to Marcus. It made Raa's chest ache, his expression falling into a sad, helpless little frown, a finger of anger prodding him at the back of his mind; he should have hit Eric Wilson a lot harder than he had, and the college student should be damn glad he was more than 500 miles away.

"It makes perfect sense," Raa said, a small smile on his face as he knelt at Marcus' feet and wrapped him in his arms, burying his face in his neck and breathing deeply. Before he'd met Marcus, Raa had been stumbling along a dark and forbidding road, taking all the wrong turns no matter how hard he tried to take the right. He had been angry, volatile, and hidden away deep within a thick protective layer of rage. Before he'd met Marcus, life had been full of blacks and whites. No color, just like his drawings. And then his world had exploded into unknown shades that permeated every corner of his being, soaking into him and revealing a part of himself that he believed stopped existing the day he left Lebanon.

He chuckled quietly. "That was a good day, wasn't it?"

[Tammika]

"An insanely good day." He felt so much lighter in Raa's arms, especially after getting all that out, and he was giddy again in seconds. Slowly he was learning how easily Raa did that to him. He laughed at his blindness to just how deep he was in love with him. He slipped his hands into Raa's shirt fingers trailing along his back and then pulling them in to snake up and down his chest. "Did I ever tell you I called you Mr.Brick Wall before I found out what your name was?" He grinned and pinched at his abs hoping to find a ticklish spot. "Because of these lovely rock hard abs you have here."

[TruthSayer]

Raa hissed out a breathy laugh through his teeth, catching Marcus' hands in his own as he flinched away from questing fingers; no one had tried to tickle him in years, the sensation a strange one that ping-ponged from making him want to laugh and making him want to pin Marcus to the bed. The second option seemed the best route to take at the moment, and he surged forward, tackling Marcus backward and sitting across his stomach, hands pinning Marcus' over his head.

"Mr. Brick Wall?" he asked, a incredulous little grin on his face as he switched Marcus' wrists into one hand and ran the fingers of his right hand down Marcus' side, trying to find a ticklish spot of his own. "Rule number one with Mr. Brick Wall: there is no trying to tickle Mr. Brick Wall."

[Tammika]

"Whoa!" Raa caught him off guard and he laughed hysterically as he flopped back on the bed. "Oh? Rules are made to be broken or artfully dodged. I prefer the latter and I would pull a move on you that would have you flat on your back in seconds but I'll hold back since you're injured and all-" As Raa's hands slid down his side his boastful talked turned into a loud squeal and girly cackle. "Oh God! Please stop... I promise I promise I' won't do it again. Truce truce! Come on Raa, quit!" Marcus was ticklish from head to toe, a fact noticeable the instant Raa started his search. Many battles had been lost against Sam because of this annoying fact.

[TruthSayer]

Raa was grinning and laughing right along with Marcus, fingers flying over his side as far as his casted arm would allow. "Never! The Brick Wall accepts no truce! Only victory!"

"I am walking down the hall!" Kendall's voice rang out, making Raa pause in his efforts. Red faced and grinning so wide it actually hurt his cheeks, he turned toward the door, hearing Kendall's second warning of, "I am approaching the door!" before the man appeared in it, one eyebrow raised as he took in the scene on the bed, eyes flicking back and forth between Raa and Marcus for a long, silent moment before he seemed satisfied that they were still completely dressed.

"We're ordering pizza," the man said, crossing his arms and leaning against the door. "You want to tell me what kind you two want?"

[Tammika]

"Oh oh you just ought to be glad you have that damn cast on and I'm holding back, 'cause I could seriously do some damage. I think you're forgetting how flexible I am. Okay, stop it! This is so unfair!" Marcus heard Kendall's
announcement and giggled even more under Raa's "assault."

"Help me... Kendall.. please? I am being tortured!" Marcus looked at Kendall and wiggled his fingers at him. "I'm an innocent victim... ooh pizza..." The squirming stopped long enough for him to realize how hungry he was and that he had eaten absolutely nothing all day. "Yes! Ummm I'll eat anything, I'm easy and starving and slowly suffocating because I have a brick wall on my stomach."