Crisco is for Sissies[M]

[TruthSayer]

"No, no practice," Raa said, kicking the curb lightly. A car sped by in front of the school, far exceeding the 10 mph speed limit; its back bumper bottomed out over the speed humps set into the road with a magnificent bang and screech that overrode the deep bass issuing forth from top of the line speakers, resounding in Raa's chest like a catalyst, sparking a flash of memory.

"One day, Raakaa, you'll turn into them, and I'll have the pictures to prove it...

Raa shuddered, eyes closing as if on their own accord as the flash of a phantom camera lit the blackness behind closed lids.

"Would you be mad?" he asked, squeezing his eyes shut tighter as he lifted a hand to his face, pressing his fingers into his eyes to block out the flash of the camera. "If I said I didn't want my picture taken. Would you be mad?"

[Tammika]

That was not what Marcus expected to hear. He had seriously begun to fear the worse. Like Raa was saying they couldn't be friends all the sudden or maybe he realized that he was a total dork at last. But the picture? He stepped closer on instinct forgetting the 'man boundaries' Derrick jokingly set. "Picture.. uhh yeah that's no problem. I know some people don't like taking pictures but damn if it bothers you that much.. hell Raa it's no big deal.. really. Sorry I guess I was kinda pushy." He wanted to ask what was the problem but figured he would tell him in his time.

He didn't realize he had grabbed Raa's arm gently as he spoke. He left it there. The look on Raa's face was bothering him. He rubbed his arm, not even realizing he was. "I'm sorry okay? I keep forgetting Derrick is one of the few people that can handle my dorkiness."

[TruthSayer]

Raa shook his head forcefully, fingers still pressed against his eyes. "It's not your fault," he muttered. Marcus' hand burned through the layer of white leather on Raa's sleeve, burning like an accusation against his flesh, but he did not step away. Maybe a part of him believed he deserved the accusation, deserved the painful throb around his heart that screamed of cowardice. He stepped forward, dropping his hand as his forehead bumped against Marcus' shoulder; the sight of their shoes- his on the the black asphalt of the parking lot, Marcus' on the elevated pale gray of the sidewalk, was an indistinct blur that Raa blinked away.

"I used to live in New York, you know," he said, feeling a flutter of surprise that numbed his fingertips that he'd said anything at all, but now that the words were out, they poured forth as if under their own power. "I loved it there. There was always something to do, always people to look at, and the buildings? You've never seen anything until you've seen the architecture in New York. It was amazing, even to an eight year old. There were street vendors selling the best food and street performers playing the best music..."

He paused, throat closing so tight that his words became choked and bitter as he squeezed his eyes shut, hands balling into fists at his side. "Then 911 happened and everything changed. I would be walking down the street with Aban and people would just start throwing rocks and trash and screaming these horrible things... Aban even has a scar from where a glass bottle hit him in the head when we were walking to the store, and there was so much blood, and no one would stop to help...

"And the principal of my school was this major dick who loved to pick on the minority kids, but after the towers fell? It just got worse.

"He started pulling the Arab kids into his office. He would video tape us, take pictures of us, ask us questions about our families and tell us that with the evidence he was getting, he would be able to stop us from blowing up buildings, too. He knew where we all lived, he said, and if we or our families were doing something that he found suspicious, he would 'take care of it'. He talked about what they did in prisons to terrorists like us, and if we didn't want that to happen we had better behave, and if we didn't want our parents to go to jail, too, then we had better not tell them, and the whole time I was in there it was 'Raakaa Raakaa Raakaa' and I can't stand my name because of it, because who in their right mind wants the name of a terrorist?"

Raa took a deep breath, his entire frame shaking, and opened his eyes, staring blankly down at the ground between their feet; it was blurry again, and when Raa blinked, crystalline tears fell. When he spoke again, his words were hard, shaking with an indefinable rage. "I went home and tore down every single goddamn picture of me in my house and burned 'em in the kitchen trashcan. There was no way I was going to allow a picture of me to condemn me, especially when I hadn't even done anything wrong."

[Tammika]

Marcus put his hand to his mouth part way through Raa's story. The amount of shock and disgust at what was done to him couldn't be said in words. Marcus hated the fact that he could be extreme at times but it took everything he had not to cry. At first he was successful but then when Raa finished he choked up.

Here he was being all selfish about calling and 'oh he hates the gay guy' shit, and Raa went through that? ".... I'm so fucking sorry Raa. I-I didn't mean to be so... that's just... damn!" Without thinking, on total impulse he slid his hand up his arm curled it around the back of Raa's neck and pulled him closer. Hiding his crying face in Raa's hair and pulling Raa's head against his chest. He couldn't speak for a long moment and could care less if anyone saw them.

[TruthSayer]

"It's not your fault!" Raa shouted through his teeth, voice catching on the last word. His body hurt, and no matter how hard he tried to force it, he could not stop the shaking. "You didn't do anything wrong!" But whether or not those words were for Marcus, or for himself, he had no idea. He pressed his face into Marcus' chest, arms winding tight around his waist, and shook his head again. Breath hissed through his teeth in a desperate attempt to stem the flow of tears as his arms pulled Marcus closer.

Tires screeched on the road as an innocuous car slammed on its breaks to a fury of blasting horns- noise in the background as Raa's breath hiccuped in his chest, tears staining the front of Marcus' shirt.

"I'm sorry!" he whispered, words thick and choked, "I would do it if I could, but I just can't! I can't!"

"Raa?!" A hand landed on his shoulder, pulling him away from Marcus and whirling him around. Solid hands landed on his upper arms, steadying him as a face loomed before his own, dark brown eyes narrow with worry.

"Aban?!" Raa gasped, staring wide eyed at his uncle as the shorter man searched his face, one hand rising to swipe away the tears on his cheeks hastily as the man threw a suspicious look over Raa's shoulder; it took Raa moment to figure out he was looking at Marcus.

"Shut up and tell me what is wrong," Aban said, words clipped and thick with a Lebanese accent.

"What are you-"

"I think I tell you to shut up and tell me what is wrong," Aban said. "Are you hurt? Why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying!" Raa insisted stubbornly, stepping back from his uncle and scrubbing his cheeks furiously with the palms of his hands. "I'm fine!"

"This is not fine, Raa," Aban said, frowning as he put his hands on his hips. "You stand on the street, hugging a boy, crying so loud I hear you in my car as I pass. This is not fine."

Again, he threw a suspicious glance at Marcus.

[Tammika]

"Shhh I know Raa. I know now. Fuck the damn picture. It doesn't matter. Hell if you don't stop crying I sure as hell ain't."

Marcus was only listening to Raa and was just as shocked as he was when the man he called Aban pulled Raa away. As he spoke Marcus only returned blank stares at the mans suspicious gaze. The amount of concern for Raa showed even in his broken English.

"I asked Raa for a picture " Was all Marcus managed to choke out before he started crying again, silently. He turned his head, tears still running down his cheeks, lips tight.

[TruthSayer]

Aban's eyes closed as he bowed his head, lips pressed together in a thin line as a litany of Lebanese curses ran through his mind. Shaking his head, he sighed, focusing on Raa again. "Are you alright?" he asked, voice suddenly tired

"Great, now look at what you've done!" Raa bit out, turning on to Marcus, lifting both hands to cup his cheeks, thumbs brushing away the tears there, leaving Aban to stare wide-eyed as his nephew stepped on the sidewalk, standing far too close to the other boy that mere friendship allowed.

"Shh, it's okay," Raa soothed, using the arm of his jacket to wipe at his own face before pulling Marcus close, hands rubbing his back in what Raa hoped was a soothing way. "It's not that bad, okay? Really, it's not. It's just a stupid fear, and it was a long time ago, and it's nothing you need to worry about, so just stop crying, okay?"

Aban tilted his head to one side, tentative suspicion lighting his eyes. "Marcus Davenport?" he asked, though the tone of his voice implied that he already knew the answer.

"Go away, Aban!" Raa hissed, unconsciously turning his body so that he was between Marcus and his uncle, throwing his uncle a look over his shoulder that was a strange combination of dirty and desperate.

Aban raised his hands in a supplicating gesture, shaking his head. "I apologize for interrupting," he said, a small smile on his lips that faded with his next words. "We will talk when you come home."

"Fine," Raa gritted out, watching as his uncle made his way back to his blue SUV, waving in apology at the cars that had to swerve around its back end. The door slammed, the click of the transmission as Aban put it into drive lost in the noise of vehicles. Raa waited until the SUV pulled away from the curb, and pulled back from Marcus, hands gently cupping his cheeks again, thumbs brushing against them.

"Don't cry, okay? Please don't cry."

[Tammika]

Marcus giggled but it came out as a snort and coughing fit through all the crying. "Stupid fear? Yeah, and I'm not crying either." He leaned his head on Raa's shoulder only to lift it back up at the sound of his name. His full name at that. He looked at the man over Raa's shoulder, peeking around him like a little kid. Wiggling his fingers in a wave, noting the change in tone. Raa told him about me? Sweet.

"Don't cry, okay? Please don't cry."

He hung his hands on Raa's wrists. "Nah I'm fine now. Really. I need to blow my nose but I'm fine. I'm mad as hell some sicko ruined my chance at a hot... um a picture of you but I understand." With the amount of blushing he did in Raa's presence all the time he was surprised his body still functioned. He shoved his hands in his pocket and looked away again hoping Raa failed to notice what he almost said or maybe he would ignore it.

"It's fine Raa. No pictures. You can just help me out by giving me a ride. My car needs new tires so I can't drive it til my dad puts them on." Close enough to the truth. He didn't think Raa needed anything else on his plate after what he had just put him through. "Sooo you will come watch me swim, yes?"

[TruthSayer]

Raa dropped his hands to his side, taking a step back that placed him off the sidewalk again. "Yeah, I'll come watch you swim," he said, offering a small smile that just minimally reached his eyes.

He felt tired, embarrassed. No matter what Marcus said, it was a stupid fear that Raa should have been able to get over long ago, and it was pathetic that a grown ass man trembled with the mere thought of getting his picture taken. "You won't... tell anyone, right?" he asked, eyes down and shifted to the side as he scuffed his shoe against the pavement. He dug his hands into the pockets of his jacket, feeling timid and ashamed to even ask that question, but worried enough about it getting out and what others would think to feel he had to; he didn’t think Marcus would, but still…

[Tammika]

"No, Raa. I won't. What reason would I have to run my mouth? Believe me... you are the last person I'd want to hurt." his easy smile returned. "So this just means I'll have to think of some other way you could pay me back for my suffering and sadness. Giving me a ride home will work... until I get my mustang back on the road...which will probably be... uh like next week." He hopped down and stepped close to Raa placing a hand on each of his shoulders. "Please say you can do it that long please? I'll even wait till after football practice, which takes forever so please say yes." His words were fast and jumbled together. "Don't make me beg, I have perfected the sad face."

[TruthSayer]

Raa blew a relieved puff of air through his lips and turned back toward the school, steps unhurried. "Yeah, I'll give you a ride home. I have practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays during the week, with games on Friday nights, so as long as it's not an away game, I can give you a ride home anytime you need it."

Raa kicked a stone in his path, watching as it bounced along the asphalt toward the tire of one of the sophomore's cars; it ricocheted off the black wall, flying beneath a nearby vehicle.

“So… You think I’m hot?” Raa asked, words carefully neutral as he kicked another rock. A light blush creeped up his neck at the nervous jerk in his gut at the words.

[Tammika]

Marcus' fast flow of words screeched to a halt at the question. He opened his mouth several times before he settled on a reply. "Damn, you did catch that. Uh, so, yeah I do." Marcus shoved nervous hands in his pockets and looked down as he walked beside Raa. "I thought that the first time I saw you." He snorted. "That sounded like a line from a bad chick flick." He chewed his bottom lip, looking around at everything but Raa.

[TruthSayer]

"That does sound like a bad chic flick," Raa snorted as a grin spread across his face, followed immediately by a blush that burned to the tips of his ears. The resilient clenched feeling in his chest that lingered strong and prominent from his confession loosened somewhat, leaving him feeling afloat between two very different kinds of embarassment. But it was good to hear the compliment, Marcus' words hitting indefinable cords deep within him that similar complements from Taylor and other girls never had.

"You're not half bad yourself," Raa said, too embarassed to say more. 'Hot' was a word Raa never used, and one that rarely crossed his mind. 'Attractive' was entirely too mushy, as was 'cute', and 'beautiful' was something that Raa just couldn't bring himself to say, no matter how very much Marcus' almost etherreal allure spurred him to. It just wasn't fair that a boy should look like that.

Raa laughed suddenly, bringing one hand to rub the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. “I couldn’t believe you were a guy,” he said without thinking, eyes going wide as soon as he realized what he’d said. “I mean! That’s not what I meant. It’s just that I’ve never seen another guy look like you and it was this massive surprise, especially since I don’t remember seeing you anywhere before, and I definitely would remember seeing you… And- um… Shit, this isn‘t coming out right…”

If his face got any hotter, it would melt right off his skull, he was sure of it.

[Tammika]

"You know. When I was in second grade, some kids in my class trapped me in the bathroom and made me prove I was a guy ,by wrestling me to the floor and pulling down my pants. It happened in third and fourth as well but that time Derrick beat the shit out of them and we both were suspended, because I jumped in too. We've been besties since." He stopped walking and stared at Raa, his voice shaking a little. He had never told anyone this and saying it now didn't make him get angry all over again like it used too, but it was still embarrassing.

"Fucked up random story but it's true. Derrick told me I looked like a pretty girl so he'd have to look out for me. I think he was surprised I could fight." He looked around nervously, like someone could be listening. "I can count on one hand the people, not including family, that told me I was beautiful and didn't look down on me or treat me like a freak.... You are one of them."

[TruthSayer]

Raa felt his mouth thin as a tingle of anger passed through him at the thought of that happening, the vision of it passing before his eyes, the sounds of crying and pleading Marcus must have done at first whispering in his ears. His hand reached out without conscious thought to grasp Marcus', squeezing tightly.

"That won't happen to you again," he said, tone low and venomous. The surge of protectiveness he felt just then took him by surprise, but he knew that what he said, what he felt, rang with more truth and conviction than anything Raa had felt in a long time. He didn't care what it took, Raa would bash in the face of the world if that's what needed to be done.

"You are beautiful," he said, just as vehemently, eyes hard as he looked into Marcus', "and you're not a freak, and I'll go toe-to-toe with anyone who says otherwise."

[Tammika]

Inside Marcus would have been squealing like a love struck fan girl if he wasn't floored by the way he said 'beautiful'. It took a minute for his heart to calm down enough for him to speak. Eric had thrown a few compliments his way, but they were always sexual and he only heard that the two times he was down on his knees in front of him. He learned a little too late that that was the only thing Eric wanted from him. A shameful memory he'd like to forget.

No one had the ability to make him feel the way he did now, out of breath, tingling from head to toe, standing in the middle of the student parking lot with Raa. He squeezed back a thank you while he tried to find his brain. The force and care behind those words nearly made him cry again. He held back but things still got a little teary and blurry for him.

After a few shaky sighs and a nervous chuckle his tongue decided to cooperate with him again. "Damn Raa, you have this raw talent for making me feel like a real person or something." Was all he managed to murmur as he nervously curled his feet to the sides and back. He looked away, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. Marcus always tried to remain on the surface of things. To make himself laugh at the at the hard situations he had been pushed into. If he dug deep he felt he may never get out and he'd just drown. Whenever he got that way his family, Derrick and even Julian would pull him out, but it wasn't until he met Raa that he was beginning to feel safe from drowning for the first time. The others would pull him out, but Raa was like an anchor that kept him from getting sucked down to begin with.


"Umm I have to stay after for the Thantos for fifteen minutes and um.. then I'll head to the pool." He sniffed and wiped his eyes again. They were dry but it gave him something to do with his other hand. He did not want to let go of Raa's. He looked down at their hands, his pale fingers laced tight into Raa's soft brown. Nope. Don't wanna let go.

[TruthSayer]

It's an act.

The realization struck Raa like a fist, punching the trickle of anger out of him, leaving him feeling oddly bare and raw as he watched the change reflected in Marcus’ eyes. For a moment, it was like all walls were down, showing the person hidden behind loud smiles and silly gestures, and it struck a cord within Raa, leaving him to wonder what other secrets lay within.

Raa was the type of person to show every emotion he felt right on his face; he burned hot and waned cold in equal measures that was startling to people at times, and was something that he, himself, was not able to fully grasp or control. The other people in his life were not like that. Aban was a cool character, normally the pinnacle of polite when it came to people outside of their state-side family, but even within it, he was more likely to carry a smile that was real enough to just about always meet his eyes in just about any situation, than to allow a frown on his face. Kendall was a strange man who had a wicked sense of humor and loved to joke around with Raa like he was just one of the guys. It had been that way since Raa was four and he'd first come to live with them, though the man also knew when to put his foot down when necessary; Raa would never forget the first time Kendall grounded him- it had been like a bucket of ice cold water thrown in his face.

They were normal, Aban and Kendall, and knew how to act and keep their emotions in check. Raa had no clue how to do so. When he was angry, he yelled; when he was happy, he laughed loud and did his best to enjoy the moment. Embarrassment, contentment, and unease made him go quiet. He had no idea how to deal with his emotions outside of that, and wondered at what it must take for Marcus to be able to laugh all the time, act like an idiot, be the center of attention when being the center of attention brought fools and bigmouths like Devon Zachary to the forefront.

You... don't have to hide from me... Raa thought, the tight squeeze of his fingers loosening on Marcus' hand as he watched his friend wipe his eyes. You don’t have to hide.

But all that he did was chuckle, however hollow it felt to do so, allowing his hand to fall away; his palm felt cold. He walked toward the building, fisting and splaying his fingers, trying to warm up his hand, but all he felt was a lasting tingle. “Yeah, I can’t believe you tried to take on Thantos. Suicide in a bottle, right there. What was up with that shout, anyway?”

[Tammika]

"Nothing I was just excited and acting stupid. Kinda forgot where I was." He shoved his hand back into his pocket, which wasn't nearly as warm as Raa's hand. He thought of grabbing it back , but they were slowly making their way towards the school, he didn't want to embarrass Raa, or get him into trouble with some idiot. "I'm just a loud mouth."

As they made their way back towards the lunch tables, Marcus caught Greg's eye and quickly looked away. The kid was glaring at him, but stopped when he saw Raa.

"It's about time. So are we good now? You have a ride and you poured your heart out, now all is well in the world?" Derrick grinned and stood up handing his trash to Marcus, not even waiting for a reply. "Good 'cause I gotta go. See you in class." He hurried off and Marcus just grinned. There was nothing holding Derrick back from just leaving. The fact that he waited spoke volumes. "Thanks dad!" he called after him, only to be flipped off in return.

[TruthSayer]

"I didn't 'pour my heart out'," was Raa's automatic grumble, though it held no conviction. He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets, shoulders forward in another nervous gesture. Derrick couldn't know. Julian would never have spread around Raa's shame, not even to his own family.

Right?

Raa glanced around, noticing that Derrick was one of the last people left outside, meaning the warning bell, and possibly the final bell for class, had already rang. He cursed, turned to Marcus, and said, "I gotta get to class, too. I'll see you after school!" before jogging into the nearest door, heading toward History, noting with a flicker of dismay that the halls were vacant.

Julian was in his class, he thought as he ran. Maybe he should just ask him? But the thought of talking about it again today was about as unappealing as licking the tiles in the boy's restroom. And Julian was probably mad at him anyway, though one would think he would be used to Raa's behavior by now, especially over things that Raa would rather cut his own toes off before talking about. It wasn't the first time Raa had taken his anger out on Julian, and it wouldn't be the last.

Raa was running so fast he had to catch the sharp edge of a stand of lockers just outside his classroom door to stop his forward motion, nearly landing himself face first into them before he managed to pull the motion up short. He stood with his hands on his knees, heart pounding wildly and painfully in his chest for a long moment before his gulping breaths managed to slow it down; normally, running was as easy for him as walking, but the last few weeks, it had left him tired and absurdly out of breath. He stood, smoothed his hair back with one hand that only served to muss it up further, and opened the door to his classroom, stepping inside.

"Nice of you to join us, Mr. Hakesh," Mrs. Phelps said flatly, gaze over horn rimmed reading glasses stern, as the entire class turned in their seats to watch him.

"S-Sorry, Mrs. Phelps," Raa panted, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a crumpled piece of paper to hold it up between two fingers. "I have a note-"

"I am not interested in old grocery lists, Mr. Hakesh," Mrs. Phelps said, turning back to the book open before her on the podium. "The next time you try to pass me off with one, you're out of my class."

The class snickered, and Raa cursed inwardly, displeasure at being caught written all over his face as he made his way to his desk and plopped down into his seat, sliding his backpack to the floor beside him.

"Page 214," Julian whispered through his teeth from Raa's right, his brown eyes carefully on the lecturing teacher.

Raa grunted in lieu of thanks, and reached into his bag, but paused as his fingers encountered the rough torn binding of a sketch book. He tapped his fingers against it, then pulled both it and his history book out, biting his lip as he looked at the black cover with contemplation.

He couldn't give Marcus' a picture, but maybe...

No. He shook his head, stuffing the sketchbook back into his bag as he flipped open his text book, missing the page and having to backtrack a moment before he found it. Raa hated drawing stills of himself, and Marcus would probably laugh at the effort.

[Tammika]

"Come on Davenport, where's all that speed from the summer?! Move boy move! You make it look like mud instead of water!" Despite all the yelling Marcus' time was excellent. The coach was trying to push him to see how far he would go. Already he had come close to district records.

Marcus and Greg were in the pool making the turn for the last lap. "Damn... he made the turn under time. He's gonna beat Greg!" A few of the team started cheering them on. The water drowned out most of the noise and Marcus only concentrated on hitting the wall. Hitting the wall and his next breath.

When he came up the coach was grinning at him. "I guess you can swim." He smirked back at the coach as he climbed out of the pool grabbing the offered hand. "You better keep it up for the first meet." That was about as much of a compliment he would get out of the coach.

"Yes sir." He returned a knowing grin and pulled off his cap, his matted hair twisting at a weird angle. He shook like a dog and headed for his bag, glancing around to see if Raa had popped in yet. Greg waited for the coach to walk out of hearing range before coming up to Marcus and putting an arm around his shoulder. To others it looked like he was congratulating him, but his grip was tight and his thumbs pressed into Marcus' neck. Nice, freak. Make me look bad again and I'll hand your ass to you."

Marcus laughed, keeping up the appearance to the others, but returned a deadly whisper of his own. "Bring it, bitch." he turned to him giving a rare ice cold stare. "Now get off me before I shove my fist down your throat. And if I find out the you are the fucker who screwed with my car you will pay." he pushed off and walked toward the others, rubbing the new sore spot and flexing his right arm. He talked like there was nothing wrong once he caught up with them, but a few knew of the instant rivalry between the two.

He figured it would be wise to bide his time and wait until Greg was long gone before he showered. Once the coach left no one was allowed in the pool anyway, so with just his jacket and his trunks he went about cleaning the area around the pool, the official job of the underclassmen.